American Pie LotR Style
by Curliest Guru
Summary: A LotR version of the song American Pie. It's true to the book, not the movie, and covers only the first one (so far). Rhyme scheme and number of verses match original song.


A LotR version of the song American Pie. The full 6-verse song, not some cop-out-four-verse-Weird-Al version. :-P I've had this song in my head for days. Hopefully this will be therapy to get it out.

Note for those interested in the rhyme scheme: This sounds sort of weird if you're just reading it because the pattern is AABCCBDDEEFFFG (the BCCB section being the strange part), but it works if you listen to the song.

Disclaimer: Dan McLean owns American Pie. Some other people own LotR. I have no hold over either. I do, however, own this version of the song.

A long long time ago

I can still remember how that ring made me smile

And I knew if I had my chance

I would take over the world at a glance

And they'd be my slaves for a while

But Isildur cut the ring from my hand

And now I can't own all the land

But I'm getting stronger every day

Soon I will have my way

I know where those darn hobbits live

And I believe to them I shall give

Something bad-Them I won't forgive

Because they have the ring

So bye-bye, Mr. Frodo Guy

Leaving Bag End? Why not beg "Send

Me your black rider spies"

When Pippin and Sam are drinking whiskey and rye,

That will be the day that you die

That'll be the day that you die

Did you keep it secret and safe?

Did you see any black ring wraiths

So Old Tom is still alive?

Did he treat you well or poor?

For you silly hobbits four,

Did bed and breakfast he provide?

'Cause Sauron is on the lose,

And Saruman is readying his troops,

So we gotta go in a hurry

Cause we really don't wanna worry

All the Rivendell elves and men,

So let's go through this terrible fen,

And look! On Weathertop Gandalf's been!

But he might have died

We started singin'

Bye, bye, Mr. Black Rider Spy

We want to live, You've no ring to give

Sauron as long as we're alive

So let's heal Frodo, he's a very strong guy

This won't be the day that he dies,

This won't be the day that he dies

Now we are at Elrond's house

That piece of blade sure was a louse

It almost killed you, except for Aragorn's skill

All bad things are in the wild

So come, let our talk be mild

You need rest for you still are ill,

For you have spent three days in bed

And I believe you conked your head

For you should have never put on the ring

But I guess we can't fix that now

Come to the feast, they'll all say wow.

They thought you were as good as dead

So you've seen Bilbo, good for you

He certainly won't die for a year or two

Now what are we going to do?

About this blasted ring?

We were singing

Bye, bye Mr. Ringy Guy

The Fellowship's going on a trip

In Orodruin you'll fry

We'll destroy you, and kiss Sauron goodbye

This will be the day that he dies

This'll be the day that he dies

Let's go off this winter day

The nine are different in every way

An elf, a dwarf, and hobbits four,

Gandalf the maia, and two men

To cross the pass of the mountain

They tried, but results were poor

So into Moria they had to go

Despite the warnings that evil would grow

They found the tomb of Lord Balin

And found that the orcs committed this sin

The orcs are coming right now

We must get out, but we don't know how

Frodo got smashed, but he'll never fall

And Sauron must die

But we were singing

Bye-bye Mr. Gandalf Guy

You fell in, it was a sin

Oh why couldn't you fly?

That darn Balrog pulled you in, why oh why?

Luckily you were the only one to die

Luckily you're the only one to die

We decided that we must go on

You were there, but now you're gone

I guess I will have to lead

We've gone to Lady Galadriel

Frodo's mithril kept him well

Now some peace and rest is what we need

We'll look into Galadriel's mirror

Sam will see his greatest fear

Now it's time to pack the boats

Otherwise Sauron will have our throats

We've been good, but we must not gloat,

Because we all may die

And he was singing

Bye-bye Mr. Gollum Guy

We really see you, hate to be you

Cause you're just a small fry

You might as well kiss your precious goodbye

Because this will be the day that it dies

This will be the day that it dies

Now where did Frodo run off too?

Minas Tirith or Orodruin, it's up to you

I say come to my homeland

But you can choose how you feel best

Just give me the ring, no need to tell the rest

It would look much better on my hand

No! Don't go, I didn't mean it

I guess I should have seen it

Wait! Are those hobbit screams I hear?

Pippin and Merry? Aye, so I fear

I must save them at all cost

And it seems my life I've lost

The wind bites like the frost

And Boromir has died

And they were singing

Bye-bye Mr. Boromir Guy

You fought well, that was swell

You just weren't supposed to die

The orcs with the hobbits ahead of us fly

We must catch them before they die

We must catch them before they die.

Wow. That took a long time. It was really hard. I have a headache. I can no longer speak in compound sentences. Now please review! Namarie!


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